The workplace, Blonde is back to work!

Get ya giggles .

This would immediately improve the economy! 

The Obama Administration gathered several Czars together over the weekend at Camp David to establish a jobs program for the unemployed.
At the Saturday afternoon press conference, Robert Gibbs stated that, in keeping with the promise of transparency, this conference was about jobs.
The meetings were closed to the press.

“Since the President knows small business is the creator of jobs, that large corporations are evil, this conference is about small business startups.”
“These are shovel gig ready jobs that the whole family can be employed in.
These jobs won’t be just located in Louisiana either. Massachusetts, with or without that extra E is going to need these jobs after that $%**&#% election.”

Technology Czar Aneesh Chopra, Science Czar John Holdren, and Pay Czar Kenneth R. Feinberg colluded selected the business for the people that they WILL enjoy working and for what wages.

Together, they determined that 17 million unemployed Americans, raising frogs and shipping the legs to France for food, would settle our balance of payments, make America a net exporting country and end the recession.

And you gainsayers keep harping that the ONE has no business acumen.

Global warming pales next to this new calamity occurring as we live and breathe. Get on board early for proper cash credential arrangements.

Mankind pays little attention to this phenomenon; mostly since it sneaks up on us. The Union of Concerned Scientists, East Anglia CRU and NASA joined in founding ATPS in view of the fact that grant money has dried up for Climate Change research.
Anthropogenic Tectonic Plate Shift (ATPS) causes serious dislocation among the world’s nations. The greatest example is Africa. Look at how it drifted away from the American Continents without our noticing. (see attached Mercator Projection)

This very real condition delivers major changes in shipping distances, flying times and the cost of waging war on impoverished neighbors. No longer can one run next door, commit rapine and be home in time for dinner.The winners and losers in this disaster are visible. The losers are mapmakers; they constantly face obsolescence on a daily basis. Winners include Berlitz Language Schools and Tour Guides.

What is the origin of ATPS?

ATPS transpires when exceptional weight placed on the continent by construction, roads and structures that squish down the land, forcing the larger landmasses apart. Occasionally, one too many structures placed in one small area cause a sharp jolt, reminding us of our transgressions. The misnomer for this jolt is earthquake; think of these as the bumping of couplers on a train as it departs. That is far more accurate.

What is the prophylactic for ATPS?

The extraction of carbon from carbon credits supplies the answer.
Immediately, this supports two important financial funds. The first is the Albert Gore Fund for Saving Gaia through Carbon Sequestration; the other is the UN Emerging Markets Carbon spike Manufacturing and Distribution Fund, located in Nigeria with branches in Somalia.
Utilize the credits in high carbon spikes, which, when driven into the ground stop plate movement. Since science has shown where this plate movement occurs, we know where to apply the spikes.

(Map shows fault lines and Fund HQ’s) (All banking through Nigerian Nat’l)

To protect the Planet from further damage, all smelting and forging takes place in active volcanoes. By employing the Philippines, Indonesia and other opportunistic national areas, the Funds currently exploit utilize local labor and pay at a predetermined rate.

Spikes are available only through the Albert Gore Fund or the UN Emerging Markets Carbon spike Fund with any residual profits going to “Feed the Hungry”, “Clothe the Needy” “ Save the Piebald Eagles” or whatever else the UN is running at the moment as “Blue Hat Hand-outs”.

In this time of high unemployment, the Obama Administration has many hammer ready jobs through the ARRA Program mainly in California for Undocumented Democrat Voters.

Sign up through your local ACoRN/SEIU office.

A real Package

Schwarzenegger budget ax would fall heavily on poor

* California’s welfare-to-work program on chopping block
* Health programs for poor, elderly and disabled at risk
* At least 200,000 children could lose low-cost insurance

This headline is running in all the local papers south of Juarez.
41% of CA social program recipients’ scramble across southern border
Self-deportation becoming a flood

This is certainly pissing off rich Mexican industrialists.

Miguel y Limon de Baboso, owner of Muy Pesos who said, “We just got these peasants out of here; let them stay up there with the Gringos and sponge off them.”
This sentiment echoed through the political establishment in Mexico City where Felipe Calderón called Washington asking what the hell is going on! “Can’t you run your own country successfully?” he shrieked. “You’re destroying our personal pensions!”

The California Legislature and Team ACoRN are busy trying to stem the reverse flow of Undocumented Democrat Voters.

This bitter arctic cold caught everyone by surprise since it NEVER was to happen again!

People, all over the globe,  are scrambling to preserve their lives and fortunes. In our Southeast…

MIAMI  —  Florida’s governor has signed an emergency order to deal with the cold weather threatening the state’s crops.

Gov. Christ Crist was besides himself as he tried to blame the frigid weather on any of the Bushs.

That was to no avail, so he, through his Santeria Priestess, signed a decree banning the cold from the fruit growing parts of the State.

The hell with those Crackers out in the Panhandle, they didn’t vote for me anyway.

Meanwhile in the Home of Climate Change the temperatures are a balmy…

-13ºC in the Scottish Highlands, with the mercury falling to -6ºC in London, -5ºC in Birmingham and -7ºC in Manchester as one of the coldest winters in years continues to bite. [snip]

Hard-up pensioners have resorted to buying books from charity shops and burning them to keep warm.

Volunteers have reported
that‘a large number’ of elderly customers are snapping
up hardbacks as cheap fuel for their fires and stoves.

One Used book shop in Swansea, in south Wales, said most shoppers were seeking out “Earth in the Balance” for a pence. There are so many of them on the shelves they’re about giving them away.

The only problem with that book they complain, is it gives off almost no heat, but it is cheaper than coal.

Keeping with the Senate perqs, Baucus dipped into the Senate hooch closet before climbing up on his booze box to chide the opposition.

Here’s a peek at the private label.
Wonder if he split the bottle with Dodd?

Recent vintage, nice!

On Christmas Day, President Obama called Congress into special session to pass the Quartering Act of 2009.

My Fellow Americans:

I know you will understand why I must do this; it grieves to do so while I sit here comfortably.

Changes must be made and this is the time for giving.

So,I’m giving it to you.

This year has proven to be tumultuous in my our Nation’s history. Tea Bagger (thanks to the MSM for that) protests and other such rabble have seriously undermined my poll numbers, causing them to slip lower than George Bush’s last set of numbers.
Somehow, Bush engineered all this.

This is not possible nor can it be allowed.

Since many of the police agencies in this country do not have the correct sympathies, Interpol will take up the daily law enforcement nationwide. Obey them; you are safe.

I have invited excellent troops from Cuba, Venezuela and Eastern Europe to augment my selected correctly led American Brigades. Internal security of this great nation, freedom from attack on our wonderful cities and Washington, DC is assured.

These troops need to be quartered and fed; this is where you as patriotic citizens join in saving our country. You will not be required to house more than four (4) troops and at least one will speak Spanish. You will be required to understand and accommodate their needs.

This will not be for very long and at the finish of this untidy moment, I promise you ELECTIONS will be restored; FREE elections under our watchful eyes to insure no scoundrel votes who shouldn’t.

Thank you
Barack Obama President USSA

The only problem I see with this is how to get Apophis to hit DC when all the turkeys are in session.

Diplomatic Problem With Asteroid Deflection

Former astronaut Rusty Schweickart’s group for promoting the development of asteroid defenses points out a curious problem: While an asteroid would be in the process of getting deflected its aim would shift across the planet Earth. Countries would oppose an asteroid’s collision path cross over their territory while it was in the process of being re-aimed to miss Earth entirely. [snip]

 I reiterate. Put all 535 of our dumbass DC turkeys on the South Lawn headed up by that bobbing mechie bird pretend Prez.
The rest of the world will agree with no diplo-hoohaw what-so-ever.

I wonder how many kilowatts were used producing this over ripe Limburger.

Soft Cheese for a Clean Planet

A foodie’s guide to planet-friendly fromage.

Cheese is certainly one of life’s great pleasures.

No, life’s greastest pleasure is CUTTING THE CHEESE, ensconced on the recliner, in front of the 60″ plasma screen watching whatever pleases oneself!

To induce this, have an 8oz. Black Angus cheese burger with DOMESTIC CHEESE (buyAmerican), onions and jalapeños with a side of mixed baked beans.

If by chance some metrosexual Howard Dean type gets an invite to your NASCAR/football weekend viewing, stick his ass on an activated charcoal poot cushion with a TP roll for fudge emergencies. Or let him eat that imported Chinese Brie.

Chuckie’s T-shirts celebrates the masterful maneuvering of Whorehouse Harry as the Leader of the Pack!

Looks like the dog robber can’t steal a vote from the loyal Jackasses of his own party.

Offer your honor,
she’ll honor your offer,
then it’s honor and offer.

Nothing Says “I Love You” Like A Million-Dollar, Platinum And Diamond Vibrator

Guys, for the holidays this year, why blow your wad on an engagement ring when you can put your money where your mouth should be? Show your lady that you are committed to her pleasure and worship her vagina with a platinum and diamond vibrator.  [snip]

Perfect for the vagina that has everything. [Forbes]

Meanwhile in Copenhagen, those that purport to care about carbon in the form of footprints release large amounts in protest.

The diamond dildo is less polluting, less abusive too.

 Nobel Peace Prize Delivery

Exclusive photo of the Prize package

Shown here being delivered by police escort to Coo-pin haagen (proper Main Stream Press pronunciation) for a surprise presentation at the

World Gas Emission Summit.

NY Labor Department Unveils New Benefits Tool

ALBANY, N.Y. — A new feature on the state labor department’s Web site is aimed at making it easier for unemployment insurance claimants to determine how long they can receive benefits. [snip]

VT Department of Labor Unveils New Benefits Tool

Putting Vermonters to work

Montpelier, VT. — Not to be
out done, the
Vermont Peoples Commissioner
of Labor,
Camps
and Corrections
produced
the newest item
in the
Government’s tool
shed making it
easier for the
unemployed
to become productive
once more.

“We purchased the most eco-friendly tools available. Importing them from China means our precious trees are not cut down; buying short-handle tools requires less wood and gets the peasants workers newly employed closer to his/her their job, insuring quality control.” The new State motto is “We Care” about our laborers.

The state figures to save tax dollars and cut the carbon footprint getting a double return for the investment.