Tired of just being a shlub. No great party invites, no hot dates.
Does your Chubette outweigh you?
Change all that in TWO WEEKS.
Buy my proven “C&W Ho Down Music Course” and you’re on your way to plunking your twanger with the hotties.

(Guitar shown for illustration purposes only; actual instrument may be different)
(Length of Warranty depends on distance from point of sale. All Sales Final)

You don’t have to play; they just have to think you can.

(Auto not included, High water pants & white socks optional)

 View while available!

NOTORIOUS H.I.T.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw_R45peHQo

BEAT IT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDz8jtMrm9s

(the correct version)

1 Million Fish Dead in Bolivian Ecological Disaster

(3 Aug. 2010 - Update: The number of dead fish and other water-dependent wildlife has increased to about 6 million.)

Over 1 million fish and thousands of alligators, turtles, dolphins and other river wildlife are floating dead in numerous Bolivian rivers in the three eastern/southern departments of Santa Cruz, Beni and Tarija. The extreme cold front that hit Bolivia in mid-July caused water temperatures to dip below the minimum temperatures river life can tolerate. As a consequence, rivers, lakes, lagoons and fisheries are brimming with decomposing fish and other creatures. [snip]

 This is catastrophic! We need to take immediate steps as a country and as a capitalist system:

1. Buy the biggest SUV available and remove the catalytic converter
2. Start heating you abodes with bituminous coal (not anthracite)
3. Leave the A/C running 24/7 and set it at 66°-might as well be comfortable
4. Start eating at a burger fast food place once a day and have beef for dinner.
5. Use Styrofoam as kindling in campfires, it burns very hot and is excellent for igniting wet wood
6. Sell your propane grills and go back to charcoal, besides food tastes better

I’m sure individually each of you can come up with more climate saving  ideas, so lets get to work.

 Only a liberal could learn so quickly…

HT/American Digest

 Union labor comes through for Obama

The boom is central housing under Obama’s Five year plan produced a need for artisans in many fields. Filling these needed positions required taking skilled tractor mechanics from the Caterpillar factory, putting them to work and finishing the housing in time for the relocation of Mexican voters from Arizona.

The rest of the machinists at Caterpillar cheerfully work 18 hour split shifts to accommodate their comrades selfless toils.

Look, in the up coming 2012 and in the midterm elections, there are choices to be made. It is the year(s) of the Femmes. Nikki Haley in SC will take the Governor’s race. To boot, she’s an accountant, afflicted with the ability to understand math and actually balance books. Two more choices come to mind, to wit:

HOT

NOT!

Maybe buttering it up might have helped. Good for some beer and a batch of giggles.

h/t The Borderline Sociopathic Blog for Boys

Who are YOU?

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat..
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

WHEN a conservative reads this, he’ll TELL his friends so they can have a good laugh.
A liberal, of course, will be offended.

The announcement came from the Federal Court, late Friday, posthumously awarding Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame, his legal name change in the Muslim faith to Kareem of Wheat.

From the Vermont Loon Watch

When that Feminazi-doxie gives you a raft of unintelligible twit-talk, give her the gift of “Love”. She can spend her days naming them!

Give Your Ex Crabs — By Mail!

A new website is selling colonies of pubic lice for the express purpose of letting you give crabs to those you hate. Je veux ta revanche indeed! The aptly (if uncreatively) titled CrabRevenge.com will sell you 30 living eggs for a mere $20. According to the site, it’s run by a guy who knows “a thing or two about biology and revenge.” (GARGAMEL? It that you???) [snip]

“The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.”–H. L. Mencken

Man Accused Of Using Hatchet In Home Depot Robbery

WILMINGTON, Del. - A Bear man has been arrested after allegedly using a hatchet to rob a Wilmington home-improvement store.

Police say 45-year-old Andre Walker entered a Home Depot store Thursday night, took a bucket and a hatchet to the checkout, then began hitting the cash register with the hatchet until it opened. Police say he fled to the parking lot and got in a stranger’s car before heading back to the store, where he swung the hatchet at a manager. [snip]

Idiot! When robbing home improvement, hardware and lumber yards, a claw hammer is the proper implement.
Obviously, he flunked both shop and Home Econ.

Hatchets are strictly reserved for looting sporting goods and outfitting stores.

The hangover starts when you become aware Mary Ann snuck out your bed and Mrs. Howell snuck in.
This will be followed by excruciating bouts of painful hair.

You want some scones and jam too!

The Tarzan toy Obama idolized!

Move over Billy Ray!