Category — Humor/Satire

Not often one gets to see this level of work!

It’s the small things that foul up Lightworkers, oh such trials.

Every candidate needs ground transportation that allows for the vagaries of campaign statements and miscues. Now thanks to Kerry Motors, Obama has such a charismatic vehicle. Additionally, the directional signals have been removed. No sense in having an item that just confuses the voters.

The Chosen now can navigate instantaneously to an opposing position before anyone becomes aware of directional shift.

The Woodchuck is proud to present this Classic Campaign contrivance.

An email from Ireland to the brethren in the States, here’s a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to
hold an election in the United States.

On one side, you have a pants-wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long ……and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer …… who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now. . . . . On the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology, …married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship!

What in Lord’s name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies ???

A friend emailed this to me:

Finally, Nancy Pelosi, the head of the Democrat Party put forth the National Energy plan so long and eagerly awaited. This couldn’t have come at a better time, especially for those of up in New England that heat with gas and propane. Lowering the cost of driving will help with heating the home too. Harry Reid quickly shouted support and promised quick action in the Senate.
The solution is simple and well, less than elegant.

Vermonters of all political persuasions can get behinds this novel and green innovation. Rechargeable batteries in series connected to a capacitor delivers proper amperage with a short cycling time.

Solar-Powered Electric Chair

AUSTIN, TX—Garrett Durning of the Texas Environmental Defense League has spent the last three months campaigning tirelessly for the installation of solar-powered electric chairs in state prisons. “Texas wastes more than 500,000 watts of electricity on every criminal it executes,” Durning told reporters Monday. “We live in the 21st century, and it’s high time we acted like it. Let’s stop depleting our non-renewable fossil fuels. Solar power is a more energy-efficient way to execute the condemned.” Durning added that wrist and ankle restraints should be made of hemp rather than leather, the use of which is cruel.

Furthermore, by using found and recycled materials the state can save a tree. I’m sure the Burlington/Middlebury peoples artist collectives will create a suitably shaped device honoring the victims and all with no carbon footprint.

Toss aside a harmonic convergence of this level dispassionately. I should say not!

This is an ongoing battle through the ages. The best that can be hoped for is a draw, followed by the binding of the wounds. Perhaps these rules can provide equalization.

For most of you this needs an explanation.

“When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’.”

“You know he didn’t get up there by himself; he doesn’t belong up there. Worse, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there!”

Now you know. Spread the word.