It is worth becoming an illegal
The Honorable Patrick Leahy
(202) 224-4242
433 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Dear Senator Leahy,
As a Native Vermonter and an excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I write asking for your assistance. In an effort to determine the process of changing my status to illegal alien, I contacted the Department of Homeland Security. They referred me to you.
My primary reason for desiring a change in status from citizen to illegal alien derives from the bill which passed the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal who has been in the US for five years, all I need to do is pay a $2000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a sweet deal when I find one; I want in before the rest of the country figures out the phenomenal benefits. Also this new Stimulus bill is so loaded with pork and it to gives jobs to illegals instead of citizens and lets banks fire citizens and hire illegals.
This certainly is worth a measly $2000 fine and I don’t have to pay that right away. This new pork bill makes it worth keeping the illegal status (no taxes, auto insurance, health insurance, prescription drug costs etc.) for quite a considerable time.
Simply stated, all of us suckers who have been working and paying taxes every year, are excited at the prospect of avoiding two or more years of taxes for the paltry sum of $2000. Is there and way to apply retroactively? The yield is superb for the family paid very heavily in taxes in 2004 through 2006.
Another perq is the $10,000/year savings in medical insurance for the family. Immediately, we can use the local emergency room as our primary care provider, cut out those ghastly waits in the doctor’s office and get rid of the prescription drug costs. My accountant believes I might be able to afford the Mercedes I always wanted.
Senator, you are aware of the rising costs of college. The benefit of illegal status for my daughter in her law school applications is priceless. One cannot purchase preferential treatment of that nature especially when one is white.
Additionally, my two boys can attend college anywhere in the US for “instate” tuition rates as a protected minority. They’re not gay, crippled, fat, or short. All this is well worth the $2000 fine.
Finally, illegal status relieves me of the onus of renewing my driver’s license and paying those astronomical car insurance premiums. Remember I have those college age kids driving; you know what they do to your insurance rates. Just those savings will pay for the wife and I taking that cruise we never could afford before.
Please rush me an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, you have my gratitude, and if you are still in office, a future vote.
Your loyal constituent, (hoping to reach illegal alien status rather than just a bona fide citizen of the USA.)
Thank you for your assistance.
Archived in: Democrats, illegal immigration, Porkulus, SatireFebruary 13, 2009 at 5:10 pm | Trackback
10 comments
El Vermonte Woodchucko?
You’re right. The burdens of citizenship in our new managed state are onerous.
Can I ask what bill this is? I have not heard of such a bill passing the senate. Yes, I understand that the whole thing is tongue-in-cheek, but I figure its referring to an actual bill, no?
I take it you haven’t read the Stimulus Bill fredct. It is in there as part of the ACORN package that Obama wanted.
Figures, none of the Dems read the bill; they just voted for it. Well SURPRISE! there is a goodie for those wanting to escape the onerous costs from this big batch of pork.
VW, at first I figured it was the stimulus bill, so I did a Google search using words like stimulus & illegal aliens & fine, or stimulus and $2000 & illegals, etc. I couldn’t find any page or article talking at all about that topic.
I fully admit I have not read the stimulus bill, nor will I have time to do so with my 9-if-i’m-lucky hours a day job, and my 1-hour-if-I’m-lucky round trip commute. Could you point me to an article discussing it? Or a section number in the bill?
Nope, since most of the Congress didn’t read the bill, I’m sure as hell not going to let them know where this part is. Bills can be amended after being signed into law.
I got mine screw everyone else!
Woodchuck I’m flying my Gadsen Flag are you?
It’s a very stimulating read for certain kinds of people. Almost erotic.
Having searched the full text of the bill and well as doing a number of web searched, I’m have to conclude either that the whole thing was entirely tongue-in-cheek and you know full well the provision doesn’t exist, or you’re scarily misinformed and believe it does.
The only reference in the bill about fines is related to HIPAA or lying to ‘the Secretary’. The only thing about illegals is actually a section which specifies that the working tax cuts should *not* be given to any illegal aliens. The law is simply not there in the stimulus bill.
I’m sure most of congress didn’t read it - most of congress didn’t read the PATRIOT act either.
fredct I told you before, abusing you suits me. It is sport.
You are a true liberal, evincing only the dullest sense of reality. The gods made the month of March just for you, knowing February wasn’t long enough.
I understand now. Without VW’s hyperbole, the bill is otherwise okay. Easy.