Only in Vermont
From Vermont Loon Watch:
Enviro-Police News
Archived in: SatireMiddlebury (Enviro News)
State Police adjudged the discovery of the body of a young male behind several recycling bins a homicide early Sunday morning. The cause of death appears to be asphyxiation due to a considerable wad of paper wedged in the victim’s airway according to the Senior Trooper at the scene.
It appears that the male placed a minimum quantity of the same paper in the aluminum can bin, thus incensing one of the indigenous recyclers.
No witnesses have yet come forward according to State Police spokesman Major Kollars.
However, he did say the police might not have any jurisdiction since the deceased did commit a felonious conjoining of recyclable materials.
Major Kollars said, “The only possible criminal act under Vermont statute was failure to properly recycle the victim. We’re looking into that in the sanitation statutes.”
When reached the for comment, the Governor said, “I’ll look to get a bill introduced to amend this gross miscarriage of law.”
The two Democrat Senators from Addison County said there is no reason for any new laws. “Such a heinous disregard of our recycling laws met with condign results, it seems.”
November 17, 2008 at 9:46 am | Trackback
4 comments
But what if the victim was only helping the paper that sought out what it percieved as its “rightful” place in the aluminum can bin? You can’t legislate away the basic civil rights of paper to be with aluminum cans (now, plastic, thats a differetn story). To separate these smacks of a bigoted narrowmindedness that the uber PC types in VT might wish to avoid.
In the fascist world of recycling, everything will be In Ordung! All items know their place and will be there. Or else!
Bryan, you seem to have some sloppy thinking habits. Perhaps some classes in the Obama School of Medium Regime will correct that looseness.
I heard that a Soylent factory is moving in to some old GM facilities. Their carbon footprint is measured against the number of carbon units they convert to comestibles.
VW:
It is precisely that kind of thinking is itemist, and something that should be avoided. Your idea of heirarchy denies the natural right of paper to be with aluminum. What threat do they pose to your own trash, sorted such as it is. I think the young man found dead in the recycling bin is a hero to those who wish to see trash as trash, not as some carefully regimented product to be made suitable for the manipulations of the capitalists.
Perhaps fredct could drop in with some learned sophistry on this matter?
As to the matter of re-education, I’m an instructor at the Obama School, as I can already parrot the bumper-sticker cant that passes for wizzdumb on the part of the progs.