Massive Alewife Fish Kill Shows Vermont Insensitivity
Tens Of Thousands Of Invasive Fish Found In Lake Champlain
The fish were found north of the Sandbar to Maquam Shore, in what is called the Inland Sear (sic) section of the lake.
Biologists, who were notified of the fish die-off by anglers, believe it is temperature-related.
Alewives were first found in the lake in 2005.[snip]
Lake trout and salmon that feed on alewives also are prone to a disease called early mortality syndrome.
Loopy Lake Lovers Lament Loss
Squilla Brokenwind, a habitué of the Co-Moon Commune became lachrymose with the alewives passing saying, “I jumped out of my Bierkenstock when I saw those poor fishies. I tried mouth to mouth, but that didn’t work.” Following up she said, “ Usually the Heimlich Maneuver gets results, but in this case, it was just messy.” Brokenwind, a Professor of Haiku at Middlebury College, affirmed it would take weeks of writing to assuage her guilt feelings.
The Middlebury Chapter of “Tools of the Enviromovement” are bicycling to Montpelier to get the alewives added to the endangered species list in Vermont.
Dimmy Parp, “First Pine” of the aforementioned chapter, summed it up sharply with, “They’re chordates too, only a jellyfish could care less.” He added “Eels could care less too” after ruminating about it in Vermont fashion.
Speaker of the Vermont House, Gaye Symington, confirmed the Legislature would drop everything to hold hearings decreeing these fish are important; legislation prohibiting massive die offs would be forthcoming with appropriate funding. Her last salvo of the day carried the message to the Governor, “He better not veto this spending bill!”
With that broadside, the legislature is now in session.
Archived in: Environmentalism, Humor/Satire, Moonbats, VermontJanuary 13, 2008 at 5:03 pm | Trackback
7 comments
This post piqued my curiosity about this sad little shad. They cleverly entered the Great Lakes through the Welland Canal, and avoided the bruising passage over Niagra Falls. How’d they get into Champlain?
They exhibit seasonal die-offs, too. Squilla and Dimmy might use the little carcasses for fertilizer (like the Egyptians did) in their opium poppy fields, or the fish skins for tofu packaging. They say that this little fish is often “smoked”, too, leaving much to the imagination.
Wickipedia said that the chinook and Pacific Salmon, which were introduced to predate on the alewives have established a “salmon/alewife fish community”. Isn’t that what we all want? A community?
I think that they’d more likely fertilize their cannabis fields…its all organic ya know.
As to the Salmon/Alewife “community”, methinks that they are less equal than the other “native” fish in the leftymoonbat heirarchy, hence not deserving of protection, unless of course, that protection means that man shall not use Champlain for anything at anytime, much less go within 20 miles of it (The beautiful people will get a dispensation for their dachas and speedboats on the lake, given as they support all the right causes).
Bryan, as I recall, someone from PETA has claimed that fish are very intelligent, and they have feelings. Perch are great conversationalists, and groupers have a wild sense of humor.
I ran into a cuttlefish in the USVI who could do a mean Jimmy Cagney, but his Richard Nixon was lousy.
All so true, I’m a sucker for the squid chorus line. Heh!
You too? Their beaks are so cute when they smile.
“Champ” the mythical Lake Champlain lake monster–seen only after a drinking a six-pack of that awful tasting Otter Creek Brewing beer–may be the ultimate invasive critter. Did you know that the Moonbat state government of Vermont has put Champ on its list of endangered species, so that if such an animal does exist, it would be protected by law?
Champ will be the poster item for the next group wishing an odd marriage, to wit: Parthenogenic Mothers for Self-Marriage.
This is something Symington can back in the Vt. House.