When ABC’s Poobah of Polling, Gary Langer, pollster extraordinaire, heard,”My friend doesn’t like you.” followed by “I don’t like you very much either.” he should have realized his troubles.

There will be a serious, critical look at the final pre-election polls in the Democratic presidential primary in New Hampshire; that is essential. It is simply unprecedented for so many polls to have been so wrong. We need to know why.

Why? People lied to you. flat out, keister kicking lied. They lied to you in 2000 and again in 2004. That’s why! Want another three reasons: Brokaw, Rather and Jennings. One more reasson, anything National Public…

Why? Pollsters are dispicable. They are the ones who tell you how the movie ended as you wait to purchase seats. The gender of your kid is disclosed before you and wifey even decide on a lubricious moment. Pollsters are the kids sitting in front of the class, who raised their hand just to let you know “I’m smarter than you.”

I get polled frequently, why I don’t know. Maybe it is the low telephone number on the landline or the abode’s address, Home for Divorced Crossdressers.

Anyway, I lie to the pollsters, nary a truth is uttered in their presence. If there is a chance of slipping in an outrageous answer, I go for it. Best are the online polls, where they promise coupons for answers. I give them Hotspur’s zip code and OP’s e-mail address.
Depends! My favorite product, so proud of product preformance, I wear them outside my pants.
Carnuba Car Wax! Far better than scented sex oils, comes with an approved by NAMBLA label for longevity in those intimate moments.
K-Y Jelly! One difficult moment occurred when I answered the shopping poll about the product. I wasn’t clear who was asking the questions, either Lowe’s or Louise’s Boutique. Told them I thought the product was horrible. I applied is as directed and my windows still leaked.

Archived in: Humor/Satire, MSM, Polls