Christmas is over. We’re all a little touchy.

In observance of the post-Christmas melancholy and raw nerves, in anticipation of the New Year’s Resolutions we’ll all break within a week, and to arm yourself against the lib next door who wished you “Happy Holidays” even though you had a creche on your lawn, remember the words of Darren McGavin in “A Christmas Story“. Words to live by:

“You wart mundane noodle!”

“You schottin shiskafaskafa!”

“You snort tunger!”

“Lay monger snacka shacocker!”

“Notafingah!”

“You filthy piston helckin!”

“You whip mauker!”

“Smelly wump wussler”

“Grab dump fratin’ house stickel fifer!”

“You bladder pussknot grapah!”

“You dortin donobado!

For that VERY special occasion, repeat this from Furnace Battle Number One….

“Ah blasted! You two blurt rattle flat camel flirt! You blotta battle beast jerdoff brat! Stana once sat brada, frada, rada, rada, smelly wump wussler! Drab dump fratin’ house stickel fifer!”

There are other golden expressions I haven’t listed here, especially the phonetic one McGavin barely disguises in use for the Bumpus’s dogs.

The movie is gone for another year, but not this wonderful dialogue. Use it, ahem, liberally.

Archived in: Holidays, Humor/Satire